I was laying about drunk in the park today with someone when I was suddenly thought - why the hell aren't there Heelys for adults!?

Who, I said WHO, in their right mind wouldn't want to replace their feet with WHEELS? You could "walk" places in half the time, you wouldn't get stitches because it wouldn't disrupt your digestive system as much as walking, PLUS you could practically doze off and day dream whilst you glide blissfully to your destination!

I had to get up from my drunken state and walk through the town centre full of kids and adults - collectively referred to as people, and I just really didn't want to - it seemed like such an effort considering my lethargic state, and I had just eaten a massive Subway and cookie and half a bag of pic'n'mix so to say I was in "peak condition for a hike" would be a filthy lie. I got up and bitched about how I wished there were an escalator that just drove me everywhere I needed to be, and then thought, "actually if I could just get off my arse and replace my feet with wheels now that I have money that would be pretty awesome" which is something I've said for YEARS since my mate suggested it as a preferred alternative to my escalator plan like 5 years ago - but had no money, and it suddenly clicked - HEELYS!

I cannot believe I've known of their existence for as long as I have and never clicked that they are wheels for your feet disguised as a shoe! I mean seriously, it's exactly what I've always moaned about needing - I HATE walking, and skateboarding is too much effort in England cos the pavements are all shit - I learnt this the hard way when I was skating into town one day and my board dug in between two pavement tiles and I stacked it in front of loads of chavs hanging around the CO-OP. It was most embarrassing until I realised they were the ones who should be embarrassed seeing how they were spending their day sitting around outside a CO-OP - at least I had places to fall off my board trying to get to - they didn't!

An adult Heely would work amazingly - discreet enough so that people don't actually realise what a lazy wanker you are, fast enough to save you a crap load of time, and not that much effort to use? This last part is a guess, but they look easy. The only problem is people would probably beat you up for wearing them... hmmmm....