Happenings Stroke Ladies On The Bus
| Stroke Ladies On The Bus |
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| Wednesday, 15 July 2009 21:48 |
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So this is probably the funniest thing that's happened to me in the last month - within 30 seconds, I saw somebody pass out - TWICE - a faceplant into a side of a bus, and a grope by a 17 year old on a 50-something year old; all inches away from me and I was allowed to participate - OH DOG YES. I got on the bus from town with Joe and we were sitting there talking about dressing gowns and pop-corn or something else WHO KNOWS when a middle aged lady with her husband got on at our half-way stop. We didn't pay much attention to her but did look up in amusement/disgust as the husband stormed onto the bus and sat down leaving his wife to drag five or six bags of shopping onto the bus single handed and buy both tickets out of her shitty-needs-to-be-replaced-but-can't-afford-to-and-husband-doesn't-love-her-anymore-so-a-new-one-as-a-present-is-out-of-the-question purse. She got the tickets and before she could pick up the bags, she got a wobble on (like when you see some kid on a skateboard with speed-wobble before the inevitable face-into-floor trick) and stumbled from side to side down the alley of the bus saying "whoops, whoopsy, oh deyar, whoops! I don't normally do this" just before she face planted into one of the poles and then body-splashed across the floor! It. Was. Fucking. Gold.Whilst trying my hardest to suppress my urge to literally piss on the floor with laughter, I went to help the lady up and take her bags for her - cos I'm that damn nice - but then her husband starts to BELLOW at me and Joe as well as the driver saying "leave her - she does this all the time, just let her get up herself" as he sat there in disgust at how his wife could embarrass him like this. I've never seen anything like it. She get's up and says something along the lines of "I honestly don't know what that was, this never usually happens" and dusts herself off, only to then fall right into ME! The bus wasn't even moving, so it wasn't the movement of the bus, I think she was just having a friggin' stroke or something - she comes hurtling face first right at me, so half in aid, and half in self defence, I put my hands out - not in an effort to catch her, but to ease her slowly to the floor as she clearly can't actually stand up so I may aswell help the process of her falling and try to save her a black-eye. As I do this, she knocks into my hands, and ricochets off into Joe, who then puts his hands out in self defence, and hand plants her RIGHT ON THE LEFT TIT. It was simply MAGICAL. His hand slipped in through the V on her fur coat right onto her tit and everything and she fell over his lap/shoulder, and then rolled off and splatted onto the floor. This is one of the highlights of 2009 for me, it really is. Her oh-so-helpful husband then manages to mutter "oh for Christ's sake" before yelling again about how his wife is always showing him up by doing this, and we should all just leave her semi-conscious on the floor. Amazing. She gets up and picks up the bags from the ticket place; Joe and me are obviously sitting there like "WEEEEW YEYAR!" with our foghorns out, yelling for complimentary peanuts as we expect the hatrick of falls to conclude in an instant, but she manages to stumble to a seat on the other side of the bus from her husband now, and dust off her knees. She's apparently fine, and apparently used to this - the falling and the neglect. So, thank you - bus lady - for making my month. I hope you can still feel both sides of your body :) |
