So I twirled the nob to 200 degrees celsius on the oven and hit the pre-heat button, 10 minutes later I smell burning so I go downstairs, open the oven, and there's a book inside, about to catch fire. I take it out, thinking "why the fuck is there a BOOK in the OVEN?" and continue to preheat the oven in preparation for my pizza. Then, my mum comes home and literally periods all over the floor at me for not ASSUMING there was a book in the oven and removing it!

According to my mum she's been keeping books in the oven for 10 years, and nobody has ever set fire to one until I did today. Okay, let's take a look at this point shall we... my Dad never get's off his arse to do anything for himself, so it's safe to say he hasn't TOUCHED the oven the entire time they've been "married" or whatever, and nobody else this side of 10 is in the house, so pretty much it's just me and my mum that use the oven right? So for 10 years I've been removing books from the oven before using it without noticing it? No... there's never been a book in the oven. So what she's saying is, she's never set fire to a book she put in the oven herself, but she probably hasn't ever put one in there before; well done mum, you done a clever!

Sensing her argument is losing ground to mine, she starts trying to hit the little details like "you can see it through the door when the heat is on so you shoulda seen it" because obviously I'm sitting there like O_O watching the oven pre-heat, so I tell her to stop being so anal and just accept the fact that books don't go in the oven, and maybe it wasn't so much my fault as it was hers. Well it would appear using the word "anal" wasn't wise, because she doesn't actually understand it, and she's so ignorant she shouts at me because I use a word she doesn't understand. She assumes the word is referring to arseholes or shit, so she goes off on a rampage of how I'm being disrespectful and how dare I speak to her like that... I tell her she's misunderstood and in fact, the word anal is nothing to do with arseholes or shit, but no no - she's never wrong remember, it clearly is because she says it is damn it!

THEN, I go off on one, because she's taking the utter piss - so I'm all like "oh I'm sick of placating you with your fucking mood swings" and my Dad comes up the stairs trying to get in on the action because he needs some drama to fulfil his otherwise exceptionally dull life, and hears me ranting at my mum about how stupid she is to not understand the word anal, so he comes up with this line, which is simply hilarious... ready? He says "okay Rose [my mum], ask him what the word "fucking" means" and then smugly smirks as if he's just come up with some terribly intelligent counter-point that has demolished my argument... WHAT A FUCKING IDIOT! Lmao! It's so funny I have to share this with you guys... I mean... how is it possible to get to 50 years old and STILL be that STUPID? You probably don't even see how he came up with that... so I'll explain...

He hears me explaining the word anal doesn't refer to arses or crap but in fact can be used to describe somebody that is over-analytical of things, i.e. somebody is "anal" if they obsessively over-analyse situations - he then thinks to himself "I don't know this word, therefore he is lying and trying to confuse her, so I'll take a random "swear word" just like "anal" must be, and ask him to give an alternate meaning of that, and when he can't, this will prove him wrong! Oh dog, I'm such a genius!" Well no, Pop-Pop, you're a "fucking" IDIOT. I would buy them a dictionary to prevent any future misunderstandings, but my mum would only put it in the oven and I'd cook it.

So yea, basically a huge argument ensues, they threaten to kick me out again because I said she is over-analytical, read: anal blar blar blar. This story has no end - I just thought I'd share as it's hilarious how hideously retarded people can still be after 50 years of learning! END.