So I'm literally sitting here naked listening to the Chili Peppers, right now - yeah, that's what I do all afternoon every weekday! Fun stuff, huh!? I'm also a little itchy today because I used RADOX body wash in the shower, which it would appear I'm allergic too. Anyway, I'm sitting here naked, scratching myself (cos of the Radox) with music blasting out, playing my guitar and I notice a bang at my window; I spin around, thinking it's another stalker that's found my house (this has happened a couple times now), only to see the window cleaner closing my windows from the outside, deliberately trying to avoid eye contact with me as I stand there - guitar in one hand, penis in the other. Shit.

Firstly, I thought, "well I could walk all the way around the bed to the window, and close the curtains" as this would hide my junk and I could just carry on as if nothing happened. This is a good plan? Well... no, not really, because I would have to walk ALL the way around my bed, which would result in approximately 30 seconds of FULL FRONTAL NUDITY as I walk towards the man at my window, with my bellyfinger pointing right at him. This would result in further problems; what if we made EYE CONTACT as I was walking towards him, naked? Do I... wave? Do I nod? Maybe a wink? He would have to respond with a wave or nod himself, as to not do so would spurn my warmth.

What if we didn't make eye contact? I would get all the way to the window, then I'd have to just shut the curtains, right in his FACE. How rude is this? Very... and we all know I hate being rude... Worse yet, what if I got all the way to the window, went to shut the curtains, only to make eye contact AS I shut them? Surely I'd have to open them a piece just to then greet him, as eye contact without so much as a simple nod is a conscious dismissal of his entire existence. Then what if I open the curtains back a piece to wave and shut them again, only for him to not notice me... do I stand there, naked, waving? Surely he'd then see me and wonder how long I've been there, and if I'm intentionally showing him my bellyfinger?

I decided to pretend I hadn't noticed him.

Now my dilemma was, do I continue standing around naked as if I genuinely hadn't noticed this guy at my window and just put up with it for a few minutes until he goes, under the tascit contract of "we shan't ever speak about this" or do I pretend to go to the bathroom in order to get out of the room? Well if I left the room, I'd have to leave my PC screen on with all my MSN conversations and stuff, which are easily readable from the window as I have a large monitor and now were littered with comments like "FUCK, THE WINDOW CLEANER HAS JUST COME UP TO MY WINDOW AND I'M TOTALLY NAKED"... so should I minimise everything and then go to the bathroom? That would surely give away my game plan...

Instead, I decided to continue playing for 30 seconds, then shuffle over to my big leather reclining chair - this would mean I could take a seat (hiding the majority of my body from his repulsed eyes) whilst being casual, and ignoring his presence. I could also switch focus on my screen from my msn conversations to my browser, and go to a white website to reduce the reflection on the monitor so he wouldn't realise I could see him reflecting off my monitor.

In the end, I wrote this article - written on a white background, and giving the illusion I am "engrossed in work", I have successfully managed to avoid an awkward situation with the window cleaner, and now I've noticed, he's gone! Well done Ross... "Wedoss"